My name is Audra and I live in the center of Iowa. I am 28-years-old and I work as a full-time Endocrinology nurse and a part-time medical/surgical nurse. My most important job however is being the mother of a very beautiful 8-year-old daughter. My life is currently filled with work, school, third grade basketball games and school events as well as as much of a social life as I am able to make happen with whatever time left I have at the end of the day, which isn't usually very much.
This week my life has taken a twist as I have lost a friend of mine. I have never truly understood the act of suicide, but in the end no matter how he died he's gone. I seem to be able to better justify a loss of life when a person passes away in their 80's or even 90's with the simple sentence of, "oh, they lived a good life", but when they pass away at the age of 27 I can't even begin to try to find reasoning of why they had to go or if there was something just anything that could have changed the outcome. My friend, his name is Ryan, is gone now, and his pain that he must have been suffering has passed now, but now his friends and family are left with unsettled questions and a void in our hearts that will never be filled. I wonder how I am going to teach my niece and nephews about the uncle they never got to know. The pictures, the stories, the passing of the memories on will never be enough. I go to sleep at night with tears in my eyes and the prayer that tomorrow I will wake up and it will all have been a horrible dream, but then the new day begins and a fresh start. Each day we are given on this earth is a gift for us to live to the best of our abilities, to treat one another kindly, to bring joy to our own lives as well as our own lives. After I woke up this morning I hugged my daughter a little tighter and held her a little longer.
As we enter each day it's sometimes important to focus on the fact that each day we wake up we have a fresh start to what the day may bring. As we push forward we should try to remain encouraging and uplifting to the ones around us. Today I am celebrating the life of a lost one and even though he no longer lives on earth with us he lives in our hearts.
Hi Audra! It's always very encouraging for me to read stories about other people (especially women) that I can relate to. I sometimes feel alone, and that I'm much busier than the normal person, but you my friend have proven me wrong! :)
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry about the passing of your friend Ryan. It's never easy to lose a loved one, especially when they are still young and it's unexpected. Even though you will never see him in person, you will always have your memories and love of him in your heart. I definitely agree with you in that you have to take each day as a fresh start, live it to the fullest, and love all those involved in your life. Live, laugh, love!
~Jen
Audra,
ReplyDeleteFirst off my heart goes out to you and your family for your loss. Ryan was obviously much more than a friend which makes the loss that much harder. I can not imagine the emotions you are feeling right now. I can relate to the loss and the hurt. I currently am in a similar situation with my mother. She has been fighting cancer for four years and still is. But the cancer is so much stronger than her physical body but not her mental or will. She still challenges it each day even though she is in hospices. I talk to her each day and say a prayer of letting go each night. Each morning is a question. Did she go in her sleep and pass on to heaven and my father or will I hear her voice just one more day. Each time I hear her voice is like Christmas.I thank God for just one more day. I have mixed emotions. Sadness of loosing her here but joy because she is going to a much better place. Each night I experience that possible void. I wonder why it could happen to her and not someone else. I remind myself that we here on earth are not in control. We think we are but ultimately HE is always in control. There is no guarantees for tomorrow, next week or the next minute. All we can do is enjoy each moment as if it was our last. So to answer the question of what do you tell your nieces and nephew about an uncle they haven't met. The same way you are sharing Ryan with us.. with all your heart and love. I pray you have peace in the mist of what may feel like a raging storm. Remember Ryan for who he was here on earth and to you. And his memory will live forever in you ad through you.
Blessings
Jim S.